It feels like only a few, maybe 4 or 5 months ago, that I wrote the Jan 2011 Useletter. Even my girls have commented on how time has flown this year... so it's not an age thing anymore!

Well, here we are, Christmas behind us and a new year ahead. Have you made any plans for 2012? Any real concrete goals? Remember, if you do what you have always done, you will still only get what you always had.

You may, or may not have seen on Facebook, on 6 Dec I had a heart attack. Luckily I was not on a plane or in a hotel, but at home and my wife , coming from a medical background, picked up what was coming and rushed me off the the 24hr emergency. To say that I made it to the hospital with minutes to spare, is an understatement, and I am grateful to be here today.

Why do I share this with you?

I feel that here is a message for the new year for each and every one of us. Funnily enough a few weeks earlier I had been talking to my wife, saying we had to sit down and seriously change a few things for 2012. And of course with the end of year rush and other issues taking priorities – we never got to this. Kinda the same as the year before. Sound familiar?

Now those of you who have heard me speak live, know my story of running aground on an expedition near the North Pole way back in 1997 where we all thought we may die. We said 'goodbye' to each other and really didn't believe we would make it out alive. The experience changed my life, and truly taught me the meaning of living life in the moment, trying to be non judgmental and trying to love everyone equally. The biggest challenge from this experience was that I had to learn to practice what I learnt!

Lying on the hospital bed with many wires attached to me, seeing my life flash in front of me with my wife and daughters standing wide eyed next to me... made me think seriously about what I have been preaching all these years. In fact it made me look at myself and question whether I had indeed learnt from that 1997 experience. I always say to a live audience that if ever I was faced with death again, I would never want to be in that same situation I was in back then where I had regrets. Back in '97, realising this could be the end, all I thought about was, 'What if?” What if I could have done this or that? What if I had only said this and not that? Etc. etc. Ask most people today what would go on in their minds if they had an hour left to live – I guarantee that the most would say the same – they would have regrets at the things they didn't do.

I have always boldly and publicly stated that I have learnt my lesson and that when I am ever faced with death again, I will have no regrets and will never again ask, “What if.” I have made a point of really tackling all my dreams and desires and truly living in the moment.

Well, 3 weeks ago I was given the chance to validate or nullify this philosophy of mine which I so love preaching to others. There I lay, not knowing when, or if another heart attack was going to hit. Would I survive, or wouldn't I?

Firstly I can 100% confirm that I was not scared of dying. I lay there content with my life and my accomplishments. I truly had no regrets with regard to following through on my dreams and the things I have achieved in life. I have also always said that if my time comes around again, I think my only regret would be, not seeing my daughters grow up and leaving my wife alone.

I always knew it would be tough, but never once could I have ever imagined how that thought would really make me feel! Right then and there on that bed, NOTHING else mattered, but my wife and daughters. What made it worse... they were standing right there next to me, even more afraid than I was, whether I was going to make it or not. I will never ever forget that distressed look on their faces and I hope to never see it again.

With everything I have shared and preached to everyone, I would never ever have thought that this experience would have such a huge impact on me and at this stage of my life. Right there and then I saw how much they cared for me. Yes of course I knew that, but no words could have expressed the love in their eyes I saw then. It was kinda like someone saying to me, “Yea you always talk about how much you love them, but you have no idea of how deeply they love you. It made me realise that too often I make it all about me, rather than about us.

I really try and spend time with my girls and believe that we are very close as a family. As a rule I will NOT work if they have a sporting event, school evening etc. My family always comes first. Yet, it still hit me hard – what if I had left them alone! The last 3 weeks my mind has worked overtime trying to figure this out. Why has it affected me so much? Surely I have done my bit and should feel no guilt? It just doesn't make sense!

Firstly, let me backtrack and put your mind at ease... I had an angiogram and two stents put in and feel like a new man right now. In fact that cardiologist said I should feel 15 years younger... I do! This had been coming a while and I had both front and back arteries to the heart blocked. Luckily there was no muscle damage and I am basically as 'good as new.' In fact... better... plus I have learnt another huge lesson.

A friend of mine visited me the other day and said, “But you don't look any different?” Huh! What did he expect? I definitely don't look any different on the outside, but believe me, certain things have changed on the inside … especially my way of thinking!

In fact I have decided that the 6 Dec is now my 2nd birthday to a new life and second chance in life. I spent about a week in hospital and when I got home, did I look at my family differently! I didn't just hug my girls, I really hugged them. I didn't just say I love you to them, but I looked them in their eyes, held their hands and really told them I loved them with my entire soul. For the first time I really opened myself up to them, and could now really see that same love in their eyes.

You see, life does go on, it is a rush and a constant stress on everyone. Especially the way the world is changing at present. And yes we all think (myself included) that we are spending that quality time with those we love... but are we really? Or is it all part of our daily conditioned routine? All too often we only think of our feelings towards others, and not realise just how much they care for us too. To kiss your wife goodbye every morning and think that you are a caring husband is one thing, but to really kiss her, to look into her eyes and into her heart and tell her how special she is to you – that's the little extra we tend to forget to do. To see her smile back at you and kiss you back with that same depth – that's what we tend to miss. My heart attack was a big reminder not to take things for granted, especially your family.

I also learnt that the same applies to friends. Just because someone hasn't spoken to you or seen you in a coupe of months doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care. Again I made the mistake of 'pre-judging' some people. Arriving back home and seeing the Facebook comments, having people visit me and just open up so intensely has made me cry more than I care to admit. If anything, it has made me realize that even though the world does at times appear to be filled only with greedy and selfish people, there are actually many more that are caring and loving, and I am honored to call many of them my friends.

Hence you are also getting your Jan 2012 Useletter a few days early, I am taking my family on a cruise and doing some serious catching up!

For 2012 I ask you to learn from my experience and at the every least, try and spend more time with those you love and learn to appreciate them, but also see how much they care for you too. Tell them how you feel daily. Care for those around you and don't be scared to express your feelings. Life is too short and can be taken away at any moment. Make 2012 the year of living 100% in the moment, telling everyone how you really feel.

I wish you a truly love filled 2012!

Tags: Free Motivation, Wolfgang Riebe, Free 'Useletter', January 2012 Useletter, Make family time over the festive season

I don't know about you, but I cannot believe it is December already. Is it just me, or has this year just flown by? Even my girls are commenting on how fast the year has gone. If anything it has taught me to really savour every moment and enjoy all the family time I can.

So I trust that over the holiday season you will be catching up on a well needed rest and spend that time with your loved ones. In a sense I think that most people are already in a good mood with the festive season on the doorstep, so I have been playing with many ideas on what to write about. Then it struck me.... this is the time of the year where everyone splurges out on all sorts of items they don't need... and then moan in January when all the credit card bills arrive.

Hence I though I would share some money saving tips with you with the hope of making you a touch more aware that money and gifts don't always buy happiness and that through careful planning you can still have a great holiday season, and also enjoy January without stressing about paying off all those bills.

Firstly, not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouth. The media would like you to believe that there are thousands of wealthy people out there and that everyone should be able to afford the nice things in life. If only this were so!

The reality is that the major majority of the world can just make ends meet, yet the media focuses on the wealthy. This causes many people to attempt to live above their means and results in huge problems, including unhappiness, stress, depression, etc.

If you consider the above from a deeper spiritual perspective, what does happiness really mean? Is it the amount of money you have, or is it the inner contentment you possess and the memories you have created?

In today's world the reality is that you need money. However, there is a difference between things you need to have, and things that would be nice to have. As human beings, we need a roof over our heads, food, health and a good social environment. In reality not much more. Look at all the technological gadgets that are shoved down our throats every day by the media and big corporations. Do we really need them, or do they mostly make us introverts and stop social interactions between people under 4 eyes?

One day when you retire, what are the memories you will have? That new car or computer you bought, or the first steps your child took? Think about it?

However, one needs to be objectively practical about the matter as well and realise that money does play an important part in our lives. Yet if one looks at the use of money in pure objective terms and does not fall prey to the clever marketing out there, you can survive with a lot less, and still be happy.

When it comes to Christmas gifts, we all enjoy spoiling our loved ones and money is never an object... except in January!

So here's the first tip... if you have young children include some cheaper items amongst the gifts. For a child it's the excitement of unwrapping the present. The more presents, the more excitement. Yes by all means get them something special. However, if you go into a bargain store there are many cheap toys you can buy for under 10 bucks. Simply get a few of those and make the Xmas pile look bigger. Your child's face will be priceless, plus it won't cost you an arm and a leg.

On that note, try focus on items that bring the family together, like a puzzle you can all build, or a game you can all play together. Don't always focus on items that get the children to keep themselves occupied. No wonder we have a society on loner today!

In terms of your loved ones, i.e. spouse. How about making that gift special. It's not always about the money, but the thought that went behind it. Try make something on your own using memories and items that mean something to your partner. It's more about the thought, time and effort that went into it. Today on the internet you can have complete photo books printed as a one off. Imagine collecting all those special memories and putting together a book called, 'Reasons Why I love You' and it is filled with all those special photo moments in your lives. Not only will it rekindle special memories for you while you piece it together, your partner will be blown away too.

Make a special effort to spend more time with family and play games, tell stories and just have fun. Think back of your own memories of Christmas - what do you remember? I really don't think that we are all that different from each other. If I look back at my childhood memories, I can't really remember all the toys I got. But I can remember the Christmas we spent in the mountains, and the Christmas nights in front of the fire waiting in excitement for Father Christmas to arrive! The family meals we enjoyed around the table and the visiting with friends and family on Boxing day.

Right now I look at my own girls and my memories of the last few years, is the look of anticipation and excitement on their faces. The fact that we go for a ride on Christmas Eve and look at all the lights and how people decorated their homes. The fact that we sit around the Christmas tree and talk about the year that was and share all our highs and lows of the year with each other. I am already wondering what kind of card my daughters will make for me. They always spend days designing and making their own cards - just the thought, time and love that goes into this is so very special to me.

It's not just about the gifts, but the special times that you create with loved ones over this period.

The days you have free, go for walks int he forest or by the sea. Do stuff together as a family that you don't have time to do in the year. Last December we all went fishing for the first time (and threw the fish back we caught) - what a cool memory, especially that my girls caught more fish than me and that they eventually touched the fish they caught. In the beginning they were scared of them. We had picnics in the lounge, put out a blanket and made a social event inside. I am already scheming and planning what new things we can try this year.

The wealth you have is the memories you create. It is a time of giving and loving. Make the most of it and have a truly magical festive season.

Tags: Free Motivation, Wolfgang Riebe, Free 'Useletter', December 2011 Useletter, Make family time over the festive season

Firstly, Happy Halloween! I had so many children knocking on my door tricking or treating - what fun! And the parties... I always enjoy the end of October, what fun.

Now on to November! One of the most wonderful aspects of writing this 'Useletter' is that many people send me comments and requests as to the topics they would like to see discussed. And it truly does make me feel that the messages are being read and helping others. Two weeks ago I received a request on how to deal with family problems. This is a huge subject and falls into various categories. I suppose most families have at least one 'problem' member, this could be the black sheep, the hormonal teenager, or even an over eager, but caring mother-in-law. These people try our patience and we often have major issues trying to deal with them, which in turn leads to anger, stress and even arguments with those close to you.

Yes, it is normal to get angry with someone that seems unreasonable, but unfortunately this just results in retaliation and ends in heating up the situation even more and damages any chance of meaningful communication to resolve the issue. Trust from either side is lost and the situation is never resolved, as mostly, each person blames the other - and a vicious circle is created from which their is no escape.

Put yourself in that family member's situation. There is a great story that says you need to wear the shoes of this family member and walk a mile a day in their shoes. Ultimately in 10 days time, you will have their shoes and they will be 10 miles away! If only it was so easy!

This months Quick Tips cover 5 tips on coping with family problems. Again, they can be viewed at the end of this email, or simply click on the language of your choice here; English, German & Afrikaans.

Here are some general tips on coping with some of these situations.

1. Listen
This is easier said than done... but it is possible. Hold back on your built up frustrations and for once just listen to the other person. Show them you are willing and open to try and understand where they are coming from. Don't just wait for your turn to talk, or for the opportunity to snap back with a hurtful comment - actually take a step back and really listen to what they have to say. Whether you agree with them or not is not the issue here! Just listen and grasp their point of view. Don't sit there and think of them as stupid, unreasonable, selfish or over bearing - hold back all your preconceptions and judgements. Yes that may be difficult to do. But you can do it if you want to!

Am I saying you must give in? No! I'm saying you must listen. Even if you believe you are in the right and they are in the wrong. This isn't the issue here - it's about one of you actually listening and seeing the other person's point of view. Odds are they didn't read this article, hence won't be the one listening - so it's up to you! It's a mind set change. You may well find now that you are actually listening, you see the situation differently. Even if they are still in the wrong, by listening you can objectively think about their point of view - the emphasis is on becoming objective. Most family issues are emotional, hence become subjective and based on personal feelings. As soon as you can take this out of the situation and look at it objectively, perspectives change!

2.) Separate the behaviour from the person
This goes hand in hand with the above. Often the feud is with a cousin, or brother that may for some or other reason have always 'been the favourite', 'married rich', etc. and we judge this person due to their circumstances or background. They could be in a relationship where they always get their way, and now trying to do the same with you, which is resulting in the argument. Instead of retaliating with, "You are an arrogant bully", rather say something like, "You behaviour is offensive to me." By doing this you are not attacking them personally which should prevent them from getting defensive. This is a subtle change but it gives the other person a chance to detach themselves from their own behaviour.

3.) Step back
Think about the problem without bringing emotions into the picture. Ask yourself a few questions; How does this affect me? Does it affect any other family members? How can I help? What will everyone else think about my solution? As soon as you step back and take other factors into consideration, it makes you more objective and lets you analyse the problem on another level.

4.) Patience
Hand in hand with the above, comes patience. It may take a few attempts of listening before the real truth comes out - the core issue of the feud. Here you need to be man/woman enough to give it time and listen, until the truth comes out. Remember that it will only be natural for them to rant and rave the first few times you listen. It may be the first time they have had a chance to express themselves without you interrupting. So it will only be natural that they will vent their own emotions and frustrations initially. Here it will take not only patience, but understanding that this is only normal.

5.) Keep your voice down
Nothing is more frustrating than when someone doesn't want to see your point of view. Often we need to raise our voices to be heard. In turn the other person raises their voice too, and it becomes a shouting match. Calmness is the secret here. Practice remaining calm and keeping your voice low. Think of any good debate on TV, the person that usually wins is the one that remains calm and collected.

6.) Don't brood over it
We tend to brood over family arguments and think about them the whole day. We analyse over and over looking for answers. This is like worry - whether you worry or not, it doesn't change the final outcome. It's the same here. The more you brood over it, the more you are going to depress yourself. Learn to let it go and give the other person a chance to calm down. After an argument, do something else, take your mind off the event. Odds are when you look back at it, it won't be anywhere as serious as it was the day before. As humans we tend to overburden ourself with thoughts about feuds which makes it worse. Thinking of something else and letting go lessens the emotions substantially.

It reminds me of a story of a man that would hang 'nothing' on a tree outside his front door when he arrived home at night. The next morning he would take this 'nothing' off the tree again before leaving for work. His neighbour watched him doing this for weeks before quizzing him on this weird behaviour. The man replied, "When I get home, I hang all my stresses and irritations from work on the tree and leave them outside so that I don't bother my family with them. The next morning when I leave is the first time I pick them up again and think about them. Guess what? In the morning they are nowhere as bad as they were the night before!" Isn't that a great analogy?

7.) Consider the outcomes
Yes, often you would like to tell the other person exactly what you think of them - it's a way of letting off steam... but that's all it is... a way of letting off steam. It may do you good temporarily, but it may cause problems for years to come and ruin future relationships. Rather hold back on personal attacks and only give an 'objective' opinion when asked for advice.

8.) Don't gossip!
This is one of the biggest causes of feuds. One family member does something wrong, and then you make a point of phoning everyone and gossiping about it. Don't do this! If someone doesn't need to know something, why stir and tell everyone? What does it say about you? Don't be one of those people that derives pleasure from other people's mishaps. Do the honourable thing and keep it quiet. If you want your family to trust you, you need to learn to be a person that can be trusted, and not gossip about every happening.

9.) Don't let them get to you!
Yes, most/many families have someone that loves stirring and antagonising other family members. You know the type... the one person that always has negative things to say, or can never be happy for your successes. Here's a reality check... you get these people everywhere and they may never change. This leaves you with two choices, get annoyed with them, or accept them for who they are and limit contact with them. That's it! It boils down to you being the better person and not letting them get to you. Ignore them long enough and don't fall into their trap of setting you off, and they will soon realise that they cannot manipulate your emotions anymore.

Keep visits with them short. If they do still manage to annoy you, excuse yourself politely and leave without causing a fuss. They may soon confront you on this, as they will see they are not getting their way. At this point don't become personal... apply point No. 2 and separate the person from their behaviour. Don't tell them you find them irritating and obnoxious (too personal), instead inform them that you see their behaviour towards you as offensive. It is then up to that person to decide whether they want to change or not.

10.) Be yourself
They say peer pressure pays a role in a teenager's life... well, family pressure plays a role in your whole life. Yes, your parents may have wanted you to become a doctor, but instead you became a street cleaner. So? Are you happy in your choice of career path? Why should this cause conflict. Imagine my family - being German - I still have an aunt who is turning 85 this month who asked me not a few months ago, "When are you getting a real job?"

You must remember, other people's contexts of what you do are not always correct. At the end of the day you have to live with yourself. Are you there to lead a fulfilled life with purpose, or always fit into what your family wants you to do? Yes they care for you and only want the best for your future, but have you gently stood your ground and tried to make them see that what you do makes you happy. Obviously if you have made a bad choice somewhere, take their advice, but if you know in your heart who you are and want to be, then don't let others change you. By standing your ground, they will eventually see your side - after all shouldn't they love you unconditionally?

Have an awesome November.

Tags: Free Motivation, Wolfgang Riebe, Free 'Useletter', November 2011 Useletter, Dealing with Family Problems

SURVIVAL & FEAR

I trust you are doing well and enjoying the change of season. Can you believe it's less than 3 months to go before Christmas? Where did the year go? Once again I have been living on planes and in airports, but have also had an incredible time meeting and chatting to so many new people. It appears to me that so often, one just 'clicks' with someone one meets and the discussion becomes deep and philosophical within minutes... or maybe it's just because we are all moving to a new level of consciousness? Nevertheless, a common topic that keeps coming up is the crazy events happening around the world at the moment, which in turn is causing a lot of worry and fear in many people.

Hence I though I would try and tackle this topic and share some insights on overcoming fear and becoming more optimistic.

But, before I do this, in my Quicktips videos this month, I share 5 tips on overcoming view. You can view them below, or click on the language link of your choice: English, German & Afrikaans. Also, I have just launched a DVD (in 3 languages) of the last 25 Quicktips - a great inspirational gift and good to show extracts around specific themes at conferences. Available from www.mindpowerpublications.com.

Now back to the topic...Firstly, here is a 'reality' that most people need to realise... Most people are a product of society, a materialistic, mind controlled 'sheeple' (sheep + people) that merely acts on learned impulses and habits, rather than insightful deductions of each unique situation.

Add to this technology and instant access to information that is making me more informed than ever before. Couple this with the corruption of governments, corporations and various other institutions that have a direct clash with our conditioned up-bringing, and people are starting to ask questions about the inequality in the world today and are becoming weary of the double standards and hypocrites. This is resulting in much frustration within daily life, even if it is only subconscious for many.

People just aren't excited about life anymore. Just sit on the London underground and look at everyone's faces. No one smiles. If you do smile at someone, odds are you will get arrested for being a public nuisance. It's the same in the traffic in any city in the mornings - just look at the faces of the people in the cars next to you - no one smiles! It's as if the majority of people today have lost the will to live and have fun in life.

Many years back, I actually met someone who was having fun. I was sitting in the peak hour morning traffic on the M25 around London, when the man in the car next to me suddenly held up a board which read, "Hi, great morning, isn't it?" In fact he had a whole conversation with everyone around him using these boards. He had found a way to make the traffic fun!

On top of that, there is just too little free time and life goes by too fast. I am constantly reminded of a saying by another unknown author: Life is like a roll of toilet paper... the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Isn't that so true? The older we get, the faster time seems to go by? Even the children of today are commenting that their days fly by. Surely then, if this is the case, why doesn't humanity make the most of every moment they have, seeing that it all goes by so fast? Why don't we all let go of fear and stop only focusing on survival, but rather on living life to the fullest?

Expectations are the root cause of all problems!

We live in a society of instant gratification and expectations. What do I mean? Think about it... no one does anything today without expecting something in return. I work, because I expect a salary. I make an appointment with a potential client, because I want/expect them to buy my product. I will pick up your children from school, because I expect you to do the same for me next week. I'll do the dishes for you tonight honey, because I expect some action in the bedroom later. Get the point? No one does anything anymore because they want to do it out of the kindness of the their heart. It's all about, "What's in it for me?"

Don't get me wrong, there are many people who don't follow the above example - but, those are the passionate ones! Those are the people that are enjoying their life and living every moment to the fullest. Unfortunately, they are very much in the minority!

Think about it, we have been brought up and conditioned in a society where 'expectation' is the norm. As a child you were conditioned to behave. If you behaved, you got things. In school we were taught to learn and pass our grades. In return we received our diploma. Then we had to study at university to get a degree, so that we could get a good job, etc. Expectations, expectations, expectations!

We have been intrinsically conditioned to expect. But, and it's a big BUT, in reality things do not always work out the way we expect! That's when disappointment takes over and we start losing the zest and passion for life, and start questioning the purpose of it all. If you really think about it logically, it's a system that is bound to fail!

Plus of course the media via big business and governments had conditioned us to fear. You need the newest car - it will protect you in an accident. You need life insurance in case you die!? You need a job and must earn money to support your family. These are all fear based mind control mechanisms to make you conform to what 'big brother' wants you to do. This results in people going in 'survival' mode based on the induced conditioned false fear reality out there!

If it is in the media, it must be the truth! This is what most people believe! This brings me to my 'all time' favourite saying:

It is easier to believe a lie that one has heard a thousand times than to believe the truth that one only hears once!

We have been so conditioned to accept everything around us as the norm, that we are too afraid to look within ourselves. We simply don't know any better. We forget that through inner reflection and honesty with yourself and who you really want to be, is in fact the start of finding a solution to leading a more fulfilled existence. Yet we have been conditioned to fear this! It's easier to follow the masses and be accepted, than to stand out!

You need to realise that the first step is... becoming aware of all the control mechanisms in society today and realising that they affect each and everyone of us. We also need to understand that we cannot change this overnight, but we can change it! In fact, it starts with just one person deciding to do something about it and make others around them aware.

People who wait for changes to occur on the outside before they commit to making changes on the inside will never make any changes at all.

Just knowing how we are controlled suddenly makes you think twice before buying a product, or becoming annoyed at a negative newspaper headline. This awareness in turn makes you react differently and suddenly you find yourself not following the 'sheeples' out there anymore, and hence you start changing from within.

'Two Eagles,' a native American Indian was asked by a white government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"

For one moment just think about what you think about during your day. Spend 10 minutes going over your day and your thoughts. You will be surprised at the amount of negative thoughts you had. Become aware of these and start eliminating them for your daily routine. This alone will make a huge difference. Remember that we are all energy and we create reality with our thoughts. This means that your inner thoughts control the energy vibration of your outward behaviour. Thus you need to focus on 'real' issues in your life, rather than all the negativity out there. Redirect your thoughts to the things that bring joy into your life - focus on living in the moment and appreciating the little things in life.

Start learning to do things from the heart. Stop doing 'what is expected' , but rather focus on doing 'what is pure and good' and makes you happy. Suddenly you realise that you are doing it without expectations - but from a purity of heart perspective. Now you can no longer be controlled and be disappointed - as there are no expectations. Instead, the law of the universe (the energy) will now reward you with unexpected blessings (as like energy attracts like energy) and your life becomes one purity and giving, rather than fear and survival.

If you really think about it, what does a human being really need to be happy? Health, food, family and friends, and a roof over their head. Look around you and objectively analyse what is making you unhappy, and you may well realise it's all the conditioned non-important fear based issues. When you start focusing on the 'real' simple stuff and truly live in the moment, your reality changes and your start living life as it should be.

Have a great October!

Tags: Free Motivation, Wolfgang Riebe, Free 'Useletter', October 2011 Useletter, Survival & Fear

As a speaker and entertainer that has appeared on stages in over 128 countries, I have learnt to deal with stage fright. Here are 35 different tips and ideas which may help you feel more relaxed on stage. Not all of them may be for you, but I am positive that many of these tips will make a positive difference for you.

1. Set an end time for your fear.
If you have a presentation at 20h00 tonight, set yourself a goal to get over the fear by 16h00 so that you can focus on preparing for your speech. It sounds crazy, but by setting yourself an end time, you are actually giving yourself extra time for the fear to diffuse itself.

2. Talk to the audience as friends
If you had to do your speech for a close friend, would it sound as structured and formal as it does now? Most probably not! Look at the audience and make eye contact with one person at a time, talk to that person as if they were this friend. In other words, talk to one person at a time in the audience. This will relax you and make the whole pace of your speech more informal. As such you will be connecting on a deeper level with the audience and they will be able to relate to you more effectively. Plus of course this approach reduces your anxiety.

3. Take it easy/ Don't take it easy
There are two schools of thought here:

a.) On the day of your presentation, relax! Take it easy and don't be too busy. It will fluster you more and make you worry about preparing for the presentation. Rather schedule lots of free time on this day so you can get your mind around it.
b.) Other people find that the more they do on the day, the less they think about the stress of the presentation, and this helps them cope.
Only you know which personality type you are and what will suit you.

4. Know your stuff
I have always believed that if you know what you are talking about, there is no reason to be nervous. Make a point of understanding what you intend talking about and do not learn it parrot fashion. When you understand and know the topic, you speak naturally and hence more confidently. Also, should a technical hitch occur, because you are confident on your subject, this shouldn't phase you.

5. Stretch
If you are nervous, odds are your muscles will be tight and your body stiff. 10 Minutes before you go onto stage, do a few simple stretch exercises. This will loosen you up and relax your whole body.

6. Loose yourself in the material
When you become the material you are speaking about, you go into another zone and the focus moves away from you - this can make a big difference.

7. Practice in front of an audience
Even if you just gather your family, social circle or offer the talk for free to an old age home - an audience is vital! The more you practice with a live audience, the easier it gets and the less the fear becomes.

8. Be at the venue with enough time to spare
Obviously if you arrive late and have to run onto stage, you will be stressed. Give yourself ample time at the venue to acclimatise and get used to the auditorium. Remember, there could be a scheduling change on the day and you may have to go onto stage earlier than planned. This won't do the nerves any good if you are still in your car and get a frantic phone call from the organiser that you have to be on stage in 2 minutes! It's always better to be early.

9. Mental practice
If you drive past me when I am in my car, odds are you will either think I am mad, or I am talking on the hands free phone. I mentally practice my talk out loud and imagine myself standing in front of the audience. I even imagine, and answer people questing me from the audience. In fact, I enact the whole presentation out loudly. At home I will stand in a room on my own and pace act out the entire speech. My family already understand this and accept me as mad! Visualising this two or three times really helps calm the nerves and cement the presentation in your mind.

10. Use your imagination
Some speakers actually imagine their audience in a funny manner when they walk onto stage - they believe this calms them down. It could work for you too! Imagine them all dressed in funny clothing, or without clothing! Whatever works for you and makes you smile!

11. When things go wrong
If you are on stage regularly, something will go wrong sooner or later. Accept this! If you know your stuff, odds are it won't phase you as much. If a microphone suddenly stops working, carry on in a louder voice, but don't let it distract you. The technical people are already stressing and trying to sort out the problem. You adding to the stress won't change anything. Think about the things that can go wrong and plan for them, thus when they happen you already have an action plan.

12. Double check everything
Do you have notes, or a laptop which you use? Check that you have them with you and that everything works. Before you leave home, have a check-list so that you don't forget anything. When you walk onto stage and suddenly realise that your notes are missing, or the projector doesn't work, it's too late! Of course your nerves will take over! In the same vein, know your speech so well that should this happen, you don't need to rely on notes or presentation slides. That alone will give you huge confidence.

13. Eat a banana!
No I am not kidding! Someone told me a long time ago that eating something nutritious, but not too filling, takes away the butterflies in your stomach. Fear and anxiety causes an empty nauseating feeling in your stomach. By eating a banana 20 to 30 minutes before you go on stage, that empty feeling disappears!

14. Do something different
Whether you listen to soothing music, phone your spouse or play a game on your mobile phone - just try doing something completely different before walking out on stage. It takes your mind away from the fear and relaxes you.

15. Be comfortable with who you are
If you are self conscious about your looks, clothes or anything about you - you will be distracted and nervous. The only solution here is to be honest with yourself and learn to be comfortable with who you are. Similarly, wear clothes which is comfortable and not distracting. New shoes give blisters, so don't wear new shoes on stage which could hurt and distract you. Wear them in first. Ladies, high heels can get stuck between floor boards! Leave them at home. If you are comfortable with yourself, it is easier to laugh at yourself, if something goes wrong.

16. Don’t rush it.
When you start your presentation - take it easy. Don't rush it. Make a point of starting slowly so that you can get into a comfortable space. Not only do you have to get used to the audience, they have to get used to you. Especially if you have an accent - they need time to understand your pronunciation clearly. I'll never forget seeing one speaker who walked onto stage, sat down on a chair, lit a cigarette and drank a cup of coffee. At the end he turned to the audience and said, "What's the matter, do you start immediately when you get to the office in the morning?" What a brilliant gag and opening! He had the time to check out the audience, plus turned it into a huge laugh which everyone could relate to. Immediately everyone was more relaxed.

17. Never apologise for being nervous
Most, if not all people may not even realise that you are nervous - so why tell them? You may feel yourself shivering and shaking, but the audience may not be aware of anything. Never mention it - it will make the audience nervous on your behalf too, and they won't listen the way they should. Instead they will worry about whether you will cope.

18. Get through the first 5 minutes!
Get onto stage and just concentrate on staying calm for the first 5 minutes. Imagine your hour speech as only 5 minutes - this makes it less stressful. Simply focus on getting the first bit done. By then you will have calmed down and the rest is downhill.

19. Stop stressing about whether the audience will like you
This goes hand in hand with being comfortable with who you are. Yes! We all want to do a great presentation and have the audience like us. But, if that's your focus, you will be distracted and nervous. Focus on doing the best you can within your parameters. As long as you honestly know you did your best, it doesn't matter if someone didn't like you. Think about it this way... does everyone like the same foods? No! There will always be some people that don't like you. Accept this and do the best for those that do like you. Your whole approach then becomes more relaxed, and odds are you'll convert the negative ones too! Will the world end if you fluff a line? No! So don't worry about it.

20. Focus on them, and not you
You are a vessel through which a message is delivered. The presentation is not about you, or your slides - it's about imparting information and knowledge to the audience. When you turn your focus from yourself to the people out there, the fear subsides.

21. Don’t share your mistakes
You have rehearsed the presentation and feel good about it. Suddenly on stage you realise you forgot an important point, or mixed up the order of topics as you had prepared them. The audience doesn't know this! Only you know your talk. If you suddenly apologise for making a mistake, or leaving out a point - you are making the audience aware of a mistake they didn't even know existed! However, if you say nothing and bring it in later - no one will be the wiser, and you will feel far less awkward. Odds are it may even work out better that way!

22. Imagine a white light
I always imagine a bright white light around me before a walk onto stage. I see this light/energy engulfing the whole audience and endearing them towards me. This can calm you down immensely... and your audience too!

23. Do a run through at the venue
If time allows, do a full practice run on the stage at the venue. This will definitely familiarise you with everything and make you feel less nervous. Think about it logically... you will have gone through the process once before, this gives your mind time to process everything around you. Hence when you walk onto stage the second time, you are already familiar with the environment and thus more relaxed.

24. Visit the venue
If you know that you will be nervous and worried what the venue will look like, make a point of trying to visit the place a day or two beforehand. This will give you time to think about it in your mind and become more comfortable.

25. Keep fit
When you are fit and healthy, you handle yourself better. Go to the gym the morning before the presentation and work all the frustrations out of your system.

26. Breathe
Nerves can cause short fast breaths and this will throw you off balance, and make you more nervous. 5 Minutes before you go on, sit down, relax and work on your breathing by taking slow deep breaths. Thus by the time you walk onto stage, you have paced your breathing to a more relaxed rhythm.

27. Walk among the crowd
Standing alone on a stage with the audience in darkness is nerve wracking for anyone. Ask the organisers to put up the houselights so that you can see the faces of the audience. Then make a point of walking into the audience and look at everyone around you one on one. Make eye contact and bond with individuals in the audience. It calms you down, plus makes you more approachable/friendly in the eyes of the delegates.

28. Focus on the importance of the event within reason
Yes! Some events are more important than others and hence your stress levels may vary. Either way, when you stand on that stage, remember that it's only that group of people that are watching you at that moment. There are another billion people on this earth that aren't watching you - so what's the big deal?

29. Love what you do
It makes a huge difference if you are passionate about the topic you are speaking on. You are thus automatically more comfortable with it and naturally relaxed. Anyone who has to speak on an unfamiliar topic will be nervous - that's a given. Hence if you have the choice, choose something you love to talk about - this will reduce any anxiety you may have had before dramatically.

30. Smile
Smile from within - force the corners of your mouth up. Make it a proper smile and not just a grin. Try it now - see how it changes your mood!

31. Fake Confidence
Imagine yourself absolutely blowing the audience away - a super star performance! Get onto stage and fake it! You'll be amazed at how quick you get into it and relax.

32. Stop being over critical on yourself
This is a huge cause for butterflies and nerves. Just realise that no audience is sitting there waiting to criticise you. The majority of them are too petrified to stand on that stage. They are just too grateful it's you. So relax and enjoy it! In the same vein don't be too critical on yourself. As a speaker I have often walked off stage thinking the audience were a bit quiet and that it didn't go down so well. In the meantime they were so into what I was doing, they forgot to respond and clap, simply because they were so taken aback. Sometimes our expectations are too high. Calm down and enjoy the moment. Often you get a far better response than you expected. Also remember that if your expectations are too high and the audience doesn't respond accordingly, you may wrongly hold back and not give as good a presentation as you should have.

33. Add laughter
Yes, we are not all comedians, and jokes take practice and timing. However, it is in your interest to find a joke or funny anecdote that you know will work - we call it a stock gag - where at least 80% of the audience will laugh. Open with this, it will relax you and the crowd!

34. Practice in front of your fear
Imagine your fear is watching you and you have to do the presentation. It's a rehearsal on your own in front of your fear. Doing this two or three times makes you confront your fear and get over it.

35. We all make mistakes
Focusing on that perfect presentation will lead to a boring speech and you will lose all spontaneity. The only way we learn is through our mistakes! It is naive to believe that you won't make any - but in the eyes of the audience it also makes you human and endears them towards you. Just don't make the same mistake twice! Through practice and learning from your mistakes you will become more proficient. This doesn't mean that an older speaker is better than you - it all depends who learnt the most from their mistakes. As the golfer Gary Player always said, "The more I practice, the luckier I get."

Tags: Wolfgang Riebe, Stage Fright, Overcoming stage frights, Tips on overcoming stage fright, 35 Tips on overcoming stage fright, Anxiety on stage