OCTOBER 2010 ‘USELETTER’
Greetings from London and welcome to October's 'Useletter'. Isn't technology wonderful? Wherever I am in the world I can always make sure my motivation goes out in time.
Firstly a big thank you to everyone that sent in suggestions as to topics I should cover ... there were so many - I don't know where to start!
One that caught my attention was, Forgiveness.
This I feel is so important in today's world if we look at all the wars, general hatred and intolerance towards others that seems to cover most of the news today. Personally I feel that this is one of the major problems among humans, and also plays a large role in why so many people are depressed and despondent about life in general. It's no use blaming 'everyone out there' for all the wrongs in society. The bottom line is that it's up to you to change and learn the art of forgiveness. It all starts with one person - and that person is you.
However, before I explain how to forgive, please be aware that forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it immediately take away the pain. However,it does start the whole healing process rolling and helps you to cope and release yourself from the burdens & pains of the past, plus it enables you to focus on the positive, rather than the negative.
The first stage in learning forgiveness is to identify it. Many people have become so caught up in hatred, they have forgotten where it all started. Firstly you need to ask yourself honestly who or what it is that you hate? Be completely open and honest? Is it a family member, a co-worker, a politician, or someone that just killed innocent children? Is it because of something that happened to you personally? Or is it as a result of conditioning by those around you or the society you live in?
Then you need to ask yourself why you hate them! Did they do you an injustice? Did they hurt your feelings, or do you simply disagree with their life philosophies? There can be many reasons.
Now comes the reality check, and what I like to see as the 'fun part' - try and calculate how much time you actually spend thinking about this person and complaining about them. It may shock you to see how big a part of your life they actually take up!
On that point I need to ask you a question ... "What is the one asset in life that once lost, can NEVER be replaced?"
I find during my live seminars that very few people are able to answer this. Most will suggest that it is love, health, respect or even money. Last month I had someone shout out, "Virginity!" That was original, I haven't laughed that loud in a long time.
The answer is, "Time!"
Why? Quite easy, not one of us knows how long we are going to live. The most valuable thing we have is the time that we are alive on this earth. Yet so many people waste this time on unnecessary things. Just think about the elderly people you know. How many do you know that have regrets for not doing things in their life while they were younger? Many I know regret not asking forgiveness for those they hurt. Others regret their hard headedness for not forgiving those that hurt them.
Do you want to be like that one day? Maybe you are young and already like that!
Look at it this way ... if you hate someone and continually complain and moan about that person, what are you doing? You are giving them part of your life's time on this earth. Are they really worth it? Besides, in many instances they are not even aware of your feelings and the only person being negatively affected is you! Now how dumb is that? You are the only one living with the hurt and pain. That's just totally crazy!
Here's a fact - we are all different, and you will always get good and bad people on this earth. You have to accept this. However, I firmly believe that most people are inherently good - it's just life that has thrown them a curve ball, and they have never had anyone that has helped, or taught them how to deal with it.
At this point most people tend to feel that this is not their problem. Guess what, it is each of our responsibilities to make this earth we live on a better place. If everyone just has the attitude of saying that it's up to the governments, or our parents - I doubt anything will change. It hasn't as yet! So something has to be done about it. It's the same with the AIDS epidemic. People who aren't HIV positive claim it's not their problem. Guess what - it is! Because the more people that are infected, the higher medical costs go up for everyone out there, the higher the staff turnover in your company which results in loss of institutional memory, depression amongst workers, higher re-training costs of new employees, etc. It goes on and on.
This is exactly the same with harbouring hatred and not forgiving. Just look at the world we live in today - do you think all the hatred, wars and discrimination are due to forgiveness? I don't think so! It's exactly because humanity is not tolerant and does not forgive, but rather lives in the past. If YOU don't change, how do you think the world will cope? It will just get worse and suddenly all the armageddon predictions may well start to make sense!
Let me simplify hatred for you. Right now you are reading this with your conscious mind. However, all your painful thoughts, issues and naughty fantasies (yes those too) - sit in your subconscious mind. The most powerful of these is the hatred issues. Imagine hatred like a thorn that is clawing into the walls of your subconscious mind. The more you hate, the deeper the thorn digs into that subconscious wall. It's almost like a catch 22 situation, the more you think about it, the deeper the hatred becomes. Thus the more it controls your life and the more subjective you become in your feelings towards that person or thing.
You need to let go and release the anger, issues and pain of the past. By practicing forgiveness you suddenly learn to live in the now and the present. It is only by living in the present that you can really enjoy life to the fullest.
I know, it's easier said than done, or is it? I firmly believe in the KISS rule. Do you know it? (Keep It Simple Stupid!) I have also always been a believer in offering solutions that are practical, useable and implimentable. So here is my suggestion to you.
Identify who or what you hate and why.
One thing you cannot change is the past! Come to terms with this and realise that you can start changing your attitude today!
Tomorrow morning when you wake up, the first thing you do it stand next to your bed and visualise the person or thing that your hate in your mind. Once you have done this, imagine pushing that person or thing away from you and forgiving them at the same time. And as you do so, this person or thing disappears into thin air.
Only now do your start your day. Do this EVERY MORNING for THREE WEEKS. Each and every morning imagining yourself pushing this person or thing away and it/they disappear.
Ever heard of the saying that it takes 3 weeks for a habit to embed or release itself from your subconscious mind? This is fact. By you imagining every morning for 3 weeks that you are throwing the hatred way from you and it disappears, you are releasing the grip the thorn has in your subconscious wall. Eventually after 3 weeks you will have let the hatred go, and suddenly you can stand outside yourself and think objectively again. IN fact you will suddenly wake up and feel their is something missing! Yep, it will be the hatred! Now you can use this time on positive things.
If you don't move on, not only do you make your own life miserable, but also the lives of those around you. You have the choice to live in the past, or to live in the now. This simple exercise helps you release these negative feelings from your subconscious so that you can move on.
I challenge you to try this exercise. If you still display aggressive hatred in 3 weeks from now, you will only have yourself to blame. We can all change the world through practicing love and forgiveness. I am trying to do my bit with the advice I am sharing with you. All you have to do is try the exercise and become part of that change too!